Monday, 9 December 2013

15 months !!

so yesterday my mentor gave me some "homework". her question was .. 

"for next time we meet. think about 2 things you have learned professionally and 2 things you feel you need to work on. and do the same personally/spiritually in the 15 months you have been officially working for the church"

and all i can think is ... 15 MONTHS !!! , no way has it been 15 months. but guess what. it has

  now i am someone who is SUPER extrovert. which. if you have ever done a mires Briggs test you will know, means i think best "out loud", so talking to someone or in this case, typing to someone. so you guys are helping me with this and i am gonna write a blog post to help me answer the question. plus i though this was something you guys might be interested in so. here goes..

OK lets start with professional positives

1) realizing i do actually have a knack for making people feel at ease 

i don't know what it is about me. but people tend to open up around me. maybe its because i make it perfectly clear that i have herd/ seen it all before.i don't know, but what i do know is that over the past 15 months i have definitely become more confident in the way i talk to people about these things. at first i was like "are you sure its me you want to talk to, i can think of a million cooler ,more qualified to listen ,people than me" now i just take it as a complement that they chose me to talk to.

2) actually leading   

one thing i have noticed is that i have started intentionally leading people. not just setting off in a direction and hoping people follow. there is a very subtle difference. i think that goes along with the first one in that its a self confidence thing. trusting that your going somewhere these people are going to want to come with you and that your actually worth following

OK, now for the professional negatives 

1) who am i trying to amplify anyways ...

now , i am a real sucker for affirmation, who isn't. but seriously, if someone docent click are bond with me right away i take it  SO PERSONALLY. there are people in my youth group who honestly, don't like me. and i am working on getting over that. at the end of the day i am not there to make them like me. i am there to show them what Jesus is like. and even Jesus only 12 really close friends. he wound some people up so much they killed him so yer , get over yourself loz   

2) i need to shut up sometimes

like i said earlier in this post , i'm an extrovert. that means i like to talk. alot. and i'm not a great fan of silence. but as a youth. leader. particularly if i'm working with an introvert. there going to thrive on having that silence to reflect in the same way i do when i'm talking to someone. and i need to give them that. im working on it, but there is a way to go with this one

personal positives

1) a strong scene of self

6 years ago , i had no idea who i was or what my purpose was in life. this has been a slow process and it is still ongoing. but just before i decided to look at the internship i feel i was just starting to get into my stride as a person. now i know for sure that i am making  a difference and i am confident in who i am in a way i have never been before

2) i can actually do academic stuff

now i have always wanted to get myself a degree but was utterly petrified at the prospect of being a dyslexic with a two 3000 word essays and a presentation to get done. but i'm actually flying !  the first essay is over with. the second on its way to being done. and the presentation is a group thing that hasn't been started yet. i am seriously amazed at how perfect for me my uni is

and last of all personal negatives

1) you cant please all the people ,all the time

i'm a recovering people pleaser and very much like the professional negative who am i trying to amplify. i hate seeing anyone have a problem with me. so i hate having a different opinion to any of the people i am working with. absolutely hate it. this extends to home aswell. if my family say something like "o can you unload the dishwasher" i automatically hear "we think your not helping around the house enough" and that's just stupid ...

2)your not that famous

part of being a youth pastor is at times it feels like EVERYONE knows who you are and your back story. and that is partly true within my little town. but i seem to forget that not everyone knows who i am and is talking about me all the time. I have to get past the idea that everyone is analyzing my every move i'm not lady gaga and i don't have the paparazzi on my tail

 wooo holy self reflection bat man

feel free to leave something you have learned this year and something your working on in the comments

toodals < changing my shining out phrase



1 comment:

  1. Good stuff Lauren! I agree with all you said - very self aware of you xx
    Me, I learned this year that I obviously have more of an effect on people than I ever thought - I never think of myself as someone who can help or advise much - but from comments I've had, it seems I influence and support more than I thought which is awesome!
    Something I'm (still and will forever be) working on is my social skills. I still find it so hard...