its not whats under the tree

its whose around it ...

my friend that i work with was drafted to give the talk  at the Christmas service for our youth this year. 

it was amazing ..

he spoke about how we should look around our churches , homes and places of work. and see the people around us. that's our family. those are the people that God has put in our life to teach us about himself. everyone of them has something to offer us. and we have something to offer them. the things we love in the people around us. are the characteristics of god in them ... even if they don't know it.

think about someone your close to, what do you love most about them ..

their kindness

their patients

their commitment to you and your friendship 

all things of god 

so whoever was around you this year, thank them for what they are offering you. not just there gifts

here are some of the people "around my tree" this year. i cannot imagine life without a single one of you guys and i am grateful for all you have to teach me in life  

my siblings 

my work friends (well straw representations)

uni friends 

this bunch of wallys 

all of the amazing people i have met through having turners syndrome and spending a bunch of time at gosh.

and lastly. but not leastly. you.,that's right, you. if your reading this i am very blessed to have you as part of my life. so thank you

merry Christmas 

im sure i will post a bunch of my Christmas pictures in a later post

but for now i am doing this ...

feel free to tell me your favorite moment of Christmas this year has been in the comments 

i am off to go enjoy boxing day

toodles !

xx

  

15 months !!

so yesterday my mentor gave me some "homework". her question was .. 

"for next time we meet. think about 2 things you have learned professionally and 2 things you feel you need to work on. and do the same personally/spiritually in the 15 months you have been officially working for the church"

and all i can think is ... 15 MONTHS !!! , no way has it been 15 months. but guess what. it has

  now i am someone who is SUPER extrovert. which. if you have ever done a mires Briggs test you will know, means i think best "out loud", so talking to someone or in this case, typing to someone. so you guys are helping me with this and i am gonna write a blog post to help me answer the question. plus i though this was something you guys might be interested in so. here goes..

OK lets start with professional positives

1) realizing i do actually have a knack for making people feel at ease 

i don't know what it is about me. but people tend to open up around me. maybe its because i make it perfectly clear that i have herd/ seen it all before.i don't know, but what i do know is that over the past 15 months i have definitely become more confident in the way i talk to people about these things. at first i was like "are you sure its me you want to talk to, i can think of a million cooler ,more qualified to listen ,people than me" now i just take it as a complement that they chose me to talk to.

2) actually leading   

one thing i have noticed is that i have started intentionally leading people. not just setting off in a direction and hoping people follow. there is a very subtle difference. i think that goes along with the first one in that its a self confidence thing. trusting that your going somewhere these people are going to want to come with you and that your actually worth following

OK, now for the professional negatives 

1) who am i trying to amplify anyways ...

now , i am a real sucker for affirmation, who isn't. but seriously, if someone docent click are bond with me right away i take it  SO PERSONALLY. there are people in my youth group who honestly, don't like me. and i am working on getting over that. at the end of the day i am not there to make them like me. i am there to show them what Jesus is like. and even Jesus only 12 really close friends. he wound some people up so much they killed him so yer , get over yourself loz   

2) i need to shut up sometimes

like i said earlier in this post , i'm an extrovert. that means i like to talk. alot. and i'm not a great fan of silence. but as a youth. leader. particularly if i'm working with an introvert. there going to thrive on having that silence to reflect in the same way i do when i'm talking to someone. and i need to give them that. im working on it, but there is a way to go with this one

personal positives

1) a strong scene of self

6 years ago , i had no idea who i was or what my purpose was in life. this has been a slow process and it is still ongoing. but just before i decided to look at the internship i feel i was just starting to get into my stride as a person. now i know for sure that i am making  a difference and i am confident in who i am in a way i have never been before

2) i can actually do academic stuff

now i have always wanted to get myself a degree but was utterly petrified at the prospect of being a dyslexic with a two 3000 word essays and a presentation to get done. but i'm actually flying !  the first essay is over with. the second on its way to being done. and the presentation is a group thing that hasn't been started yet. i am seriously amazed at how perfect for me my uni is

and last of all personal negatives

1) you cant please all the people ,all the time

i'm a recovering people pleaser and very much like the professional negative who am i trying to amplify. i hate seeing anyone have a problem with me. so i hate having a different opinion to any of the people i am working with. absolutely hate it. this extends to home aswell. if my family say something like "o can you unload the dishwasher" i automatically hear "we think your not helping around the house enough" and that's just stupid ...

2)your not that famous

part of being a youth pastor is at times it feels like EVERYONE knows who you are and your back story. and that is partly true within my little town. but i seem to forget that not everyone knows who i am and is talking about me all the time. I have to get past the idea that everyone is analyzing my every move i'm not lady gaga and i don't have the paparazzi on my tail

 wooo holy self reflection bat man

feel free to leave something you have learned this year and something your working on in the comments

toodals < changing my shining out phrase
love
Lauren
xxx





   

  

     

the most awesome weekend

this weekend was awesome

i spent the weekend at a place called malshanger house 

its a big Victorian manner that is used but H.T.B and other christian organisations to give youth leaders a retreat  

 

see its beautiful

we went for a walk and watched the sunrise (well some of us)

love these people <3

we also had some bible study 

on the Saturday night we had a party. we dressed up and had a fancy dinner 

 it was just the most amazing time hanging out with my uni friends .and a great way to kick of Christmas celebrations

back down the m25 towards reality and a shambolic attempt to catch up on sleep later ... 

was our last day at uni

the arch bishop of Canterbury spoke to us about his vision for the church of England and how we all have a part to play in that.  

we also got to ask him questions

some of the best bits of the hash tag ..

“Say yes to God, and you’ll normally hear him through your bishop. Put that in your pipe and smoke it" @ABCJustin. #joker #smc0212

Research, Relationship, Relief, Risk, Reconciliation, Resource #smc0212

#smc0212 "measuring things in God's time is much more important than measuring things on our time...and that can take a long time"

"Let the institution die and God will give it life." ++Justin #smc0212

"@mattchp29: "Anglicans do bridge building because we are both catholic and reform. We are naturally in the middle." - @ABCJustin #smc0212"

and yes these are all direct quotes from the archbishop ... the guy is a freaking legend

we also had a book shining from the dean of my uni..

which a fellow student hijacked

we also ended the term with a trip to the pub :D 

lots of love

 Lauren

xxx

what friendship looks like

so yesterday i had a conversation with a friend 

a friend who is further along in life than i am and has made her share of mistakes 

but hears the thing, she saw me headed in the same direction she was at my age and decided she wasn't about to let that happen 

now as much as i love blogging and letting you guys be a part of my life. i am keeping the details of this one under wraps but..i felt you guys should know that having someone that gives enough of a crap about you to piss you off with some home truths from time to time is so important  so i am blogging around the edges for you..

see told you i love you guys 

being a good friend isn't about being there to make the person lath or have a good time ... although that's part of it

its about helping each other grow as people and as followers of Jesus (if your christian) 

so , yes i needed the girl talk yesterday but hell no i didn't want it

and i think that's the difference

a true friend gives what there friend needs , not what they want ..  

lots of love

Lauren

xxx

how time fly's

i thought i would update you guys on how i am doing. then i realized i didn't have much to say..

i seem to have just slipped into a little routine that's so comfortable and familiar to me that one week kind of dissolves into the next  

so when i looked up at my calender this morning it came as a shock to the system when i read it. it when something like this

25th November - cp1 essay due into uni..... that's this coming Monday folks !!!

29th November - 1st December - weekend away with uni friends ...holey cow we are in December

10th December - last Monday at uni before the holidays .... for crying out loud i only have 3 weeks before i break up for Christmas

see what i mean , September seems like yesterday. guess its true what they say time fly's when your having fun 

but i will give you an update

uni is going well. i have finished the above mentioned essay and its ready to be handed in on Monday. i also have made some of the most fantastic friends. in such a high pressured environment it is such a help to have people that are honestly as laid  back as i am. it definitely takes the edge off of having deadlines and assignments

work is INSANE. not only do we have 2 new interns but i have taken over the rains of romance academy at our church (Google it) but i have said it a thousand times i will say it again. i love my job and will do it to the best of my ability until god tells me otherwise  

in personal life im doing well . was at my aunts wedding a couple of weeks ago and it was a lovely day . saw lots of family i hadn't seen in years .. here have some pictures

my baby brother is so hansom 

my little cousin Conner. 

not so little cousins kyiann 

and Rosie 

my nickname is so ingrained it was on my place card 

again with the overload of hansom ...

lots of love 

Lauren 

xxx

      

  

   

     

what adoption actually is

so , if you have been reading my blog for a while you will know that i am adopted.

and you will also know I LOVE IT 

so i thought i would just write a blog to clarify a few things

adoption IS ..

Christ like..

i don't think there is a more perfect analogy for Gods love than adoption. He dose all the leg work before you even meet him. he loves you with his whole heart when when your still not sure how to handle acceptance.comes running towards you the second you turn to face him. and make you his own. o and if your still in doubt 

" he predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will" Ephesians 1.5   

misunderstood..

 just a few of the misconceptions

.don't you have to be infertile to adopt ?

nope.!!! but many people who cant have kids chose adoption to start a family 

.so there not your "real " parents?

if by real you mean biological , then no. there not. but that doesn't make your parents any more "real" than mine  

.awww poor you. im sorry.if i was your parent i would have loved you?

ok so my bio mum kinda sucked but , alot of my friends who are also adopted are lucky enough to be loved wholeheartedly by 2 sets of parents, in fact. i think open adoption is one of the most selfless acts on this planet.

a second chance  

im not going to go fully into it hear as it has its own blog post  but my testimony is basically an adoption on 2 levels

the human one 

and 

the god one

being adopted literally saved me. and im not just talking about getting out of the foster system here

i went from scared little kid  

to ,well .... this 

and last of all

ineradicable and worth it

adoption is part of who i am. and is something i will be forever grateful for. yes its messy yes there are bound to be bumps along the way and tears on many occasions from everyone involved. love is best spelled S.A.C.R.I.F.I.C.E and faith is best spelled R.I.S.K

and again i cant think of a better demonstration of that than adoption 

lots of love 

Lauren 

xxx 

you cant save them all ..

as most of you will know i am a youth pastor in a rather large church in the south eastern border of London and Essex.

i love my job ! but it has a tendency to make you realize just how much hurt there is in this world.

i have people open their heart to me on an almost daily basis and i have always wanted to be able to "fix" the kids i work with and my friends 

but recently i have been feeling powerless. like throwing a beached starfish back into the sea, you will save that starfish but there are just to many to save them all. some , inevitably, will slip through my net. and that's ok ...because i am human. i am not a super hero. i am just someone trying to follow Jesus and leave the world a brighter place than when i entered. 

the good thing about this is that even though some of the guys in my congregation and community may slip through my net, i know that god wont let them slip through his. saving people is not my responsibility , its his. i am just privileged to be a part of this from time to time because god loves me enough to work through me.

you see , the thing about being a youth pastor is that i get to have the best seat in the house. when you get to stand at the front of church and watch people that you know and love encounter Jesus in there life's ... there is literally no feeling like it. i wonder if the disciples felt the same when they where watching Jesus in his earthly ministry. having a front row seat to the miricals would have been fantastic.

anyway. i digress. what i guess i am trying to say is this. i cant save them all, i don't have the power. but i know my god dose. and when i am feeling like its all useless and like i am not getting anywhere in my ministry. i am going to ask myself one question.

"whose ministry is it anyway"

because if its my ministry then i am doing it wrong and ultimately setting myself up to fail. because that was never my intention behind becoming a youth pastor. its his ministry, and i just get to become small part of his plan ..      

all starfish welcome x

lots of love 

Lauren 

xxx

role models

ok so can i shoot strait with you guys for a minuet

i wanna talk about role models. famous people and non famous.

everyone and i mean EVERYONE has an influence on people.

and that means that we all have a responsibility to be a good one. especially if your in the public eye

yer i am talking to you Miley Cyrus ....

 you went from the girl in Hannah Montana

to what the heck are you wherein in 0.3 seconds ..

    

now im not gonna turn this into an anti Cyrus post. in fancy i think shes incredibly talented and absolutely beautiful.

its just sad to see what Hollywood syndrome has done to her.

i think as someone who will inevitably have young girls looking up to her she has a responsibility to show them that dressing provocatively (or not dressing at all as the case may be) and flopping about on a video is not the way they should be living. she is in such a prime position to show girls (and boys for that matter) how to act with dignity and not flaunt themselves

this is a subject i get so passionate about. i am very conches about the way i dress and how much flesh i show. not just for me but for the girls i work with. i want them to see the respect they should have fro themselves reflected in my life. 

integrity is a huge part of youth work and i believe with this generation being so connected online and a lot of your life being more public than ever before. young people can spot if your not being genuine a mile off.

so i ask you even if your not in ministry or not famous. what kind of role model are you being to the people around you 

lots of love

 Lauren

xxx

    

The I word

today i am going to touch on quite a risky subject

infertility

i have wanted to write about this in certain other posts but felt it deserved a whole post to itself.so here goes

i am infertile just like all other ts sufferers and it is one of the biggest things, emotionally speaking, that we have to face

now i am not known for playing it safe or pulling punches on this blog ... and i don't intend to start now 

being infertile has never upset me in the slightest, i know that's controversial and i completely  understand why it devastates some women. 

here is the deal , i have known that i cant have my own kid since i was old enough to have had "the talk" 

and i think that has a big part to play in why i am so comfortable with it

there was never a time where i could imagine myself falling pregnant. i feel for the women with ts who grew up thinking they would one day have children  only for a dr to tell them they can't

by this point in my blog post your probably think i am just a teenager going through an "ewwww kids are gross" faze. let me tell ya something , i am not, in fact i am like the complete opposite. i am the definition of maternal

  

i walk into my church and its like the flipping pide piper of hamilin or some crap 

BUT ...

my definition of a mother is quite possibly wildly different to yours. and has

 NAFF ALL TO DO WITH DNA

you want a list of people who have been a "mother" in my life , its huge. i may not have called them mum but they have supported me and guided me since i was little ... there is no genetic code for love. these people have never had any obligation to me what so ever 

and now i even get to call someone mom ..

so yes im infertile , but will i be a mum in the future DAYM STRAIT 

more fall anyone who says any different 

wow this became more of a rant than i anticipated. but to summarize.

 i am infertile. and i don't give a crap, because i am going to adopt a kid that needs a family. and its gonna be awesome. people who are infertile are sometimes made to feel like less of a woman/man and that if you will pardon my french is BALL*ecpleative* last time i checked knocking some women you met at a club up doesn't make you a real man it makes you a doush. and having a working uterus and getting pregnant every five minuets when you cant look after the kids you have just makes you down right irresponsible the sign of a real women/man is raising that kid with morals and values and a good outlook on the world ...

now i may not give a flying fudge cake about being infertile but lots of people do , and that's OK so my advice to you girls that are struggling ....

. you are worth so much more than your ability to kids

. if your helping guide young people in any way shape or form, you are mother figure weather you believe it or not 

.talk to your spouce about it. don't keep it bottled up , this has broken far to many relationships up so , COMMUNICATE

.get professional help if you need to, there is no shame in talking something over with a therapist 

.you can be a mother even if it isent biologically yours 

ok so thats my advice ...

ima leave you with a quote frow the queen of all that is awsome tv 

Meredith grey 

"Biology, it's crap. Utter crap. DNA, RNA. It doesn't make someone your family."

lots of love 

Lauren 

xxx

  

  

  

meet Aislinn

you guys are going to be seeing a lot more of this little girl , shes called aislinn (pronounced ash-ling) 

i am her "Christmas worrier"

this means that i am going to be blogging about her and trying to raise money to help her find her family. 

according to her reece's rainbow profile ( http://reecesrainbow.org/61394/aislinn) she has Down syndrome, Severe mental delays, Congenital malformation of heart, unspecified; Kyphosis and lordosis (curved spine); malnutrition

i just cant get over how adorable she is. so the fundraising starts now if you could possibly donate whatever you can to her adoption i would be so grateful and i am sure she would be to. 

but more importantly please pray for her. there is a couple out there somewhere waiting to be her mum and dad. and they probably don't know she exists yet. so pray that they find her soon.

lots of love

Lauren (and aislinn)

xxx  

sitting in a spiritual powerhouse

today was a unexpectedly huge day in moving forward with my fellow st melishans (we sound like aliens, lol!) 

this afternoon we had formation group (basically a meeting with our tutor and our Chaplin) and we had to bring a timeline of our life and put on it key events in our life specifically parts of it where god has moved or helped up.

i am gonna confess right now i was worried about giving my life story over ... turns out i totally shouldn't have been

for some reason our tutor picked me to share first which didn't help but as i told my story i totally felt comfortable about these people knowing so much about me because i honestly feel like i have known them forever

so the next person starts talking and i realize i not the only one that has had a shaky childhood and troubles in my past.All of the people who shares there story's had something valuable and inspiring to bring to the group.

i began to notice a recurring theme of  redemption and just all round changed lives. and you only have to look at any one of us to see that our pasts do not define us.

today , in that room, i felt like i was sitting in a spiritual powerhouse

and ya know what. only God could have had the imagination to put such a diverse and amazing group of people together

i still can quite get over the fact that this is how my degree is going to be

i am feeling completely blessed beyond measure right now

lots of love
Lauren
xxx

  

if you want to make god laugh, make a plan

have you ever sat and made a 5 year plan? 

or maybe even a 10 year plan

its one of the most commonly asked questions in interviews "where do you see yourself in 5 years time"

and until this time last year i had my answer down pat.i would have said "in 5 years would like to be starting my first nursing job having just graduated from my nursing degree" 

but its true what they say "if you want to make god laugh, make a plan"

god had other ideas. and i fail my entrants exam to the uni of my dream by 1 point.and i was devastated

whilst i was praying over my options to resit a year or take a gap year i felt god call me to the gap year my church was starting called "invest"

it wasn't the kind of gap year i was looking for at all.. in fact i had never felt called to full time ministry in my entire christian life.

so like a good christian i told god who wrong he had it for a full 2 weeks before i finally caved and halfheartedly signed up.

within a month of the year starting i fell in love with the work i was doing and the youth i was doing it for and throughout the course of the year i felt more and more of a call on my life to go into youth work 

now my specific calling is to the orphans of eastern Europe particularly Bulgaria.

as i was looking in to what i could do to help i realized that just going on a 2 week mission at some point in my life wasn't going to satisfy there need for love or my need to help them.but i still didn't see the link between my love for serving the youth around be in Britain and the orphans in Bulgaria

but god did 

now as i was saying by the time i needed to start looking at what i was going to be doing  September this year i had a passion for full time ministry

the other intern at my church had been doing the gap year as part of a degree course at st mellitus collage

it sounded like exactly what i needed. so i applied , and i got in

so , i when to momentum this year quietly confident that i was headed in the right direction even though i couldn't see a darn thing past getting my degree.kind if like driving down a country lane at night. scary !

    on day 3 at the morning meeting there was a call for people who have a burden to be an intercessory in a paticuler problem or need in the world

i got prayer. and then i finally got what i was doing. 

i got my phone out and looked for a web sight i had stumbled across some time ago when looking at some articles about the Bulgarian/Russian orphan crisis

   http://reecesrainbow.org/

rece's rainbow is an adoption ministry that focuses specifically on the eastern Europeans and Chinese orphans with downs syndrome or other conditions as these are the kids least likely to escape going to the mental institution if there not adopted

and then i realized if i wanted to work with these orphans full time , i needed a youth ministry degree. 

god knew my true heart before i even did and it may have been hard to see my nursing fall by the way side but i want to live the best life i can and god knew what that looks like 

as if to top it of rr only works out of america and Canada which means i will have to move stateside .. which is yet another one of my dreams , god is forfllling me more than i ever thought possible

so whats my 10 year plan ? 

i have no idea ask god 

lots of love 

Lauren

xxx   

          

out with the old , in with the new

if you follow my blog you will know that i have started university. 

i feel as though i am starting a new chapter in my life and have felt the need to have a "friend" clear out on my Facebook. of all of the people in my life that have either dragged me down or caused me to believe that i am anything less than god has called me to be. 

so this morning i prayed and then logged on to my Facebook friends list.

as i was deleted each person i prayed for them and forgave them for whatever they had said or done to me

it was a very freeing experience 

the thing about moving forward in life is that you sometimes have to let go of the baggage of the past.

its not always as easy as it sounds, but its rewarding     

lots of love

a much lighter felling

Lauren

xxx

because i suck at updating this blog ...

i am not going to give you a blog post about momentum like i planned. i am going to give you a little bullet point catch up post, and hopefully normal service will be resumed from here on in 

September sneaked up on me, and i am now a full on official uni student.

i have spent most of this week at uni on a study week, and have made some truly incredible friends who i feel are going to make this uni thing a whole lot easier and more fun.

Sophie is now 8 ... insane i know. (shes the bigger one in this photo)

and even though i now don't have time to dedicate a whole post to my momentum adventures. but i will say this. i had a fantastic time and i can not describe to you how humbling it is to see God moving in such amazing ways  in so many people 

sorry for the impromptu sabbatical but i promise to post again soon 

lots of love

Lauren 

xxx 

  

soul survivor aka camp, round 1

i spent the last 6 days in somerset at a christian camp called soul survivor

it was awsome. god showed up in so many powerful ways in my youth group alone little lone the rest of the camp. it was awesome to see and i cant express half of it so i am gonna get strait to the photos again 

goodbye essex ...

phyck , shepton here we come !!!

heeeeeeeeeeeck yeeeeeeeer !!!

we know we look good 

pit stop at fleet services 

"either that's a huge mug or Lauren has gotten even smaller "-tom Lambert 

chilling out before dinner and an evening meeting to kick proceedings off 

the big top ... literally one of my fave places on the face of this planet

youth leader needs to get more recognition as a mode of transport 

i honestly don't know why people bother starting tea towel fights with me ... 

get to a seminar ..... clearly its time for a photo shoot 

MICKEY MOUSE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

on the last night  we had to dress on onsies and we found these 2 cuties dressed a bears !!!

youth group swag

random people from a church in the north east. HAAAAAY. because photos with complete strangers is how you roll when your at ss

trudi in her epic onsie  

such swag !!

i duck faced, a moments silence for my pride please .................................

i thank ye kindly

i would just like to say whilst all of the photographed stuff that is fun to look at is good and helps makes camp awesome. its the stuff you don't see that is what camps about. ministry times , worship . seeing people encounter Jesus and have there lives changed forever through healing and the ultimate healing , salvation. God is amazing and i will never begin to be a be to describe how faithful he is , so i wont try . i will just leave you with this ..

lots of love 

lauren

xx