Wednesday, 2 July 2014

Love , attraction and the friend zone

Love , it's a huge word. And will make everyone have different emotions ..

To me , love is a very multi faceted thing For instance .. I love chocolate , I love god , I love that dress your whereing , I love you.All things I've said in the past , all ues the word love , all have a compleatly different meaning 

So someone posed the question to me recently "dose true love exist" 

My awnser in a word was basicly YES but I want to elabaorate on that a little bit because there is so much I wanted to say and I just didn't feel like it would fit in a Facebook comment 

True love ?

Yes I believe true love . Call me nieave or say I wach far to many Disney movies and rom coms with happy endings If you like but here is the thing .. If you have ever had those butterflies in your smtomach every time his/her name is mentioned and spent the vast majority of your time apart from them either thinking about them or checking for a text every 10 seconds.  If you get tounge tied when your around them. Guess what , your experiencing love  , actual love and no one can tell you otherwise. Even if it dosent last forever, even if the inissal intensity evolves into a routean because you have been married for , like .. Forever . If you feel like you love someone do and that's true love it's rare but it dose exist 

Love at fist sight ?

Nope , I believe in attraction at first sight the whole spot a boy across a room and get knocked sideways by a serious case of the teenage style crush syndrome . But that's not love that's just pure chemistry ,  you may or may not spend 18 months compleatly infatuated with a guy without either of you being brave enough to acknowledge the fact people could cut the atmosphere with a is what happens once thouse people get to know each other 

The friend zone 

To all of my readers currently residing in the friend zone , I'm sorry guys , it's sucks . I know as I have been in the friend zone myself a fair few times and I can tell you this the only way out of the friend zone is an extreamly uncomfortable question  "do you like me as more than a friend" that question right there will get you out of the friend zone for better or Worce. If the Person you like has a response that is anything other than yes then dude you run for the hypothetical exit of the friend sine marked move the hell on because you deserve someone who resiprocates that affection 

As Someone much wiser than I once said .

Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinion's starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don't see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often it's not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it's always there – fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge – they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I've got a sneaky feeling you'll find that love actually is all around.

Hay , I love you guys 
C ya soon 

Ps . Yes I know this post is cringey as all heck ;)

Thursday, 26 June 2014

A year on ..

Hi guys , I haven't done a life update for you guys in a while so here goes 

I have 2 weeks left of my first year as a theology and youth ministry student and I have learned so much. Not just about god or youth ministry , but about myself 

1) I can do academics .. 

It's not easy and as you guys have seen there have been some bumps along the way. But I've survived. And for the most part , I'm keeping up with everyone. My scores have been on a steady improvement since September and I'm starting to feel comfortable writing degree level essays .. Dyslexia and turners syndrome be damned !  

2) I do not struggle socially half as much as I used to..

I used to think I would always be a bit of a social outcast ... Not true , the friends I have made since September have easily been the easiest friendships I have ever made. 

3)I'm learning just how much I don't know....

I thought I was fairly theologically sound before I started saint mellitus. By the middle of November I was realising if I wasn't leaving a lecture with more questions than awnsers I haven't understood it, theology is , at it's very core , a striving to understand more of gods heart and how he works .. So by it's very nature there are going to be very few if any strait forward awnsers ...and I think that's what I love most about it. You can't just say "o I know the awnser to that"

4) I have no right to limit myself .. Nor dose anyone else for that matter

If I hade a quid for every time I had hured "I'm not sure you can get a degree" from a so called professional I wouldn't need student finance that's for sure. But here's the thing at point I found myself buying it. How about no , you sit there , shut up and watch me get this essay. Because you mr doctor are forgetting a few very important things 

1)I serve a very mighty God 
2) he has called me to do this , and
3)that's selfsame God made me stubborn as all heck ! 

So here is to the next two years of my degree

C ya soon

Friday, 20 June 2014

a letter to a new born christian

so this blog post is going to be a little different. seeing as my post "a letter to my 13 year old self " went crazy. this is a letter to someone who is in there first day of being a christian

hi !

so , you just became a christian , awesome ! welcome to the family. now when i became a christian i did not have a clue what that meant with regards to what my life was going to look like from that point on. don't get me wrong i had such amazing support but there are a few things that i know almost 5 years down the line that i wish i had been told in advance. so i am writing this blog post with the hope that i will give you a few pointers.

1, not everyone is going to get it when you "come out" as christian 

there will be some amazing responses to your news. a few members of the church i go to even cried when i told them because they had been praying so hard for me. but there will be a few people outside the church that will simply think your clinically insane, how you react to that will most probably be your first ever ministry opportunity as a christian , kid. you got this. love them anyway.

2, the hardships in your life will not necessarily vanish 

please , please , please don't buy into the lie that so many new Christians do , that as soon as you get up from praying your salvation prayer your going to live in a magical land of puppy-dogs and rainbows .. trust me , you wont. the world will seam different. some things will just change instantly but more often than not you will have to work through your past hurts and struggles with god , its an ongoing process. and even the most longstanding Christians are still growing  

3, there will be days where you doubt

this is something i think all Christians go through. even the ones that have had huge miraculous healing and salvation have days where they wonder whether they just made the whole thing up. my advice for those days is this.... these are the days when your faith means the most to god. where you bless the heart of god just by carrying on.secondly, find someone you trust , and get them to pray for you , be honest. it will help.(side note this is part of your youth pastor / vickers job if they are not willing to help you .. tell them to read there bible / job description again)    

4, God wont say yes all the time. 

that dose not mean he has up and gone it just means that he happens to know what you need , what you want and the difference between those two things. trust me when i say this , he knows what he is doing and its way more spectacular than you can ever comprehend. as you grow as a christian you will start to notice how subtle god can be at times. you often wont notice where gods hand is in a situation until after the event.

5,you have a new family 

this is one thing new Christians tend to forget. the. dysfunctional bunch of rag tag people sitting in your church learning about god just like you are ... are now your family, even the old lady on the second pew from the left that scares you a little bit. like all good family , you wont always agree , you wont always want to hare what they have to say. but they will be on this journey with you.

good luck !

love , your new sister in Christ


Friday, 30 May 2014

Ignorance is NOT always bliss

Those of you that follow me on Facebook will know that I got my most ignorant question yet with regards to my turners syndrome the other day ... 

The thing is I honestly didn't see any malice behind the question

Just curiosity and a misguided google search 

"If your chromosomes are xo dose that meen your a homaphrodite like are you transgender" 

Before everyone starts waving there lbgtq flags at me .. I have nothing , I repeat nothing. Against anybody that is a hermaphrodite or transgender 

But I am not ... 

I think the question points to a bigger problem though .. Why dose the girl asking the question have the ability to pick up such false information 

Everyone is an expert these days , everyone. 

False information to the kind of misguided judgments that I saw yesterday ... Not just about turners syndrome. About practically any condition known to man 

So here is the deal 

Unless you suffer with ts or are a fully qualified endocrinologist 

Do not post your medical opinion online 

Someone whose skin is not as thick as mine might have been upset 

C ya 

Thursday, 29 May 2014

The I word .. Bible edition

So someone in the ts forum asked 

"Can you talk about the bibles view on infertility" 

Yes , yes I can .. So here goes 

For the most part. When the bible talks about infertility. It talks about a woman having a baby she didn't think she could have. Or infertility being overcome in some massive Holy way

The first time we see infertility in the bible is sari (Abrams wife) ... Let's just say she didn't handle it to well 

Hormones + letting your husband sleep with the help = the birth of Ishmael , the founder is Islam 

*slow clap*

way to trust gods plan their folks 

in the end , Gods plan prevails and we end up with Isaac the child god  promised in the first place

So  Issac grows up and gets married to Rebekah ... Boom our second run in with infertility.

This time it's handled way better , and it makes it sound so easy. Isaac prays , Rebekah has twins

There is this whole Esau selling his birthright to Jacob thing later on but that's a whole other thing

(Man , there where a whole bunch of women in the old testament that struggled to get pregnant I'm not even out of genesis yet !)

So .... Jacob. He has 2 wives (because that's how they rolled back then apparently) Leah has no trouble having children , but Rachel. She struggles ... And has what I think is the most real response to this we have seen so far .... She gets PISSED that her sister (o yer Rachel and Leah are sisters ) is having Kids and she can't. And gets super angry to the point where she says to Jacob "get me pregnant or I'm going to die"

you get the point ... the women of the old testaments reactions to infertility covers a wide range  of how women still react today

the bible doesn't shy away from the fact infertility is a though one to deal with

now i cant just write a blog post about what the bible has to say on the subject of infertility without mentioning this

"Sing, barren woman, you who never bore a child; burst into song, shout for joy, you who were never in labor; because more are the children of the desolate woman than of her who has a husband," says the LORD.Isaiah 54:1

our boy Isaiah knows whats up ... even the bible says you don't have to give birth to be a mum 

hears the deal .. i could be here all day picking apart bible quotes about infertility but the bottom line is this. god says in his word that if he wants to let us have a child the natural way ... aint no thing but a chicken wing , he will make it happen. same goes for adoption. the amount of times Jesus gives a child new parents is spectacular. 

to simplify further

if its his plan for you to have kids , you will. if its not , hes going to be there to help you heal and come to terms with that fact 

hope this helps

ttfn (ta ta for now)
lots of love 

Thursday, 15 May 2014

"happiness is a choice" - shaycarl

one of my favorite quotes is by a you tuber called Shaycarl.

"happiness is a choice"

its that simple. you can choose to take the proverbial lemons life has given you and complain about how sour they are. or you can work your butt off and end up with lemonade.

hears the thing people tend to forget about that expression. turning lemons into lemonade takes work and determination. its not as easy as the saying makes it sound.

i have found this on a personal level recently. their has been so much bad stuff around me. but there has also been a whole lot of good that i have failed to notice. God will never allow us to be surrounded by only bad things. even in our dankest situations their will be pinpricks  of light surrounding you ... you just have to chose  see them

you have to make a dessition every morning to wake up and say. i am not going to let life get me down today. if you do i think you will find that your day that you thought was going to go bad , suddenly doesn't .the power of positive thinking is HUGE.

so in the words of someone much wiser than me

"always look on the bright side of life !"

because here is the thing. are you going to decide to sit there and sulk about how unfair life is ? or are you going to pull your socks up and so something about changing your life.

you cant always change your circumstances but you can always change your outlook on them , or the way you react to that scenario

so i don't buy into that "their is nothing i can do about it , its hopeless" mentality .... of coerce its not ... it just feels that way right now

so to the person who i was talking to this morning and provoked this blog post ...

if you don't like it, change it

sorry for the rant guys

see ya next time

Tuesday, 29 April 2014

dancing in the rain ..

Well this is going to be a hard one to write ..

So in the past few weeks I have had real highs and lows.

My fellow st mellitus youth min students and I had a study week. Which was full of great times , nurf gun wars included.

I celebrated my birthday recently  and have never felt so blessed by my friends ,  they are all truly awesome

However , I woke up on Saturday April 5th  to some of the most devastating news I will ever have to get. One of my friends who I grew up with passed away. She was one the sweetest people I will ever have the pleasure of meeting. And she will be truly missed

Three days later , I got another phone call . This time I found out that another one of my friends , assaya , had passed away

i am sure that we have all been effected by the loss of a loved one at some point in our lifes, and the truth is , it can be one of the hardest  things to go through as a person. And for those of you who are Christians. It can have a serious affect on our relationship with god

Now , I wanted to blog about this , really for two reasons , the first reason is . Some people think that having a relationship with god  automaticly means that you live "happily ever after" and live in this fluffy Little bubble of rainbows and gumdrops .... That could not be further from the truth. And I wanted to show said people what it looks like to be a Christian in these times

So , what Does it look like lauren ?, quite honestly it looks like a bunch or hard questions... That I've asked god ... That I've asked myself ... That I have been asked from my friends

It looks like a lot of angry prayers ..  Taking tim Hughs happy day off of my I -pod  playlist because I just didn't want to here it .. And it looks like one of my most honest and raw times in my almost 5 year long relationship with god.

But most of all it looks like coming to the realisation that as a Christian it's times like this that you most need the other Christians in your life to step up to the mark and remind you just who is incharge of the whole situation , to support you as a friend , and to stop you "falling off the spiritual wagon". I'm so thankfull for about  5 individuals in my church that took it upon themself to become the "great cloud of whiteness" Paul talks about in the bible and check up on me with Facebook messages and prayers. You have no idea how much the sentence "I'm praying for you" can mean when the person saying it truly means it.

The second reason I want to blog this is , one day , when I'm older I want to be able to look back on these blog posts and read how much I've grown , as a person and as a follower of Christ and I want this to be a true reflection of that .. And for it to be that it needs to include the good the bad and all the bits In between. Who knows , one day , my future children might like to see what I was like when I was younger. I think i would like them to see I was striving to follow god in every circumstance ... Even the very worst ones

(Yikes that was only supposed to be a pre-amble )

Getting to the point of this blog post , I think it's in the hardest times that your so vulnerable and honest with god that he actually takes the opportunity to teach us and refine us into the people he created us to be. I think that's why a staggering majority of wisdom literature (job , Ecclesiastes ect)
is written by people are going through such trials and suffering.

Honestly , god never once promises us an easy ride in life. In fact he says that persecution is pretty much a forgone conclusion and that we will suffer in his name .. Like I said , a far cry from happily ever after .. But he dose also promise that he will be there with us .

My conclusion is this , it's our job to be honest and open with god , put our best foot forward , dance in the rain . Make people wonder how and why we have that  strength .... And sit back and watch god do amazing things with an awful situation

This blog post is in loving memory of

Katie Haymes. And  Asaya barrow-Urquiza