Friday, 17 July 2015

I CANT .. Yet

I can't 

It's something I see and here far to often.
From people in almost every aspect of my life 
But particularly the ts community 

I just want to look the girls that say that in the forum  dead in the eyes and say 


What your looking for is "I can" or "i can't yet" 

I don't say this to make anyone feel bad or like they are not allowed to struggle with something. Because you are 

But here is the thing.

You can only fail at something if you stop trying 

Yes you can get that job
Yes you can cope with that family situation
Yes you can overcome that medical complication 

Because if I can by some mirical be 2/3 of the way through a degree. You can do whatever it is you want to do to

Stop saying you can't. It's belittling yourself 

Lots of love 

Thursday, 9 July 2015

little alabaster jar of potential

one of my favorite verses in the bible comes from Corinthians

"But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us." - 2 Corinthians 4:7. 

i have always loved this verse because it just reminds me how much we have to rely on god. we are literally vestals for his spirit and not even good ones. we are fragile unassuming and cracked. we come with "stuff" already inside of us taking up room inside us that god has to work around 

we are basically the human equivalent to this 

Image result for clay jar  

but god still uses us.  

i once listened to a sermon on this bible passage and the preacher explained that in the day that this was being said it would have resonated with the audience on a much more logical level that it dose for us nowadays because in big houses people uesed to hide there tresure and most valued possetions in old cracked clay jars as a means of securaty because thieves would not think to look in them for anything of value.

i think that was one of the most valuable comparisons that could possibly have been made. some of the weakest and most vulnerable people  to the world become some of the most powerful people for the kingdom 

i guess what im trying to get at here is that when we take our broken selfs and surender them to god he mends us beyond all recognission and ueses us just as much as we will allow him to.

when the Japaneses mend a vase they repair it with gold. not only dose the gold increase the value of the vase but the fact there will never be another vase to breake the same way that makes thease vases almost invaluble 

and i for one think they look awesome

So , you little alabaster jar of holey potential. Don't ever think that those cracks that you see In Yourself look like anything but beauty to God

Lots of love

Sunday, 7 June 2015

a little inspiration from rarjad Kipling

If , 

If you can keep your head when all about you   
    Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,   
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you, 
    But make allowance for their doubting too;   
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting, 
    Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies, 
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating, 
    And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise: 

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;   
    If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;   
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster 
    And treat those two impostors just the same;   
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken 
    Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools, 
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken, 
    And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools: 

If you can make one heap of all your winnings 
    And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss, 
And lose, and start again at your beginnings 
    And never breathe a word about your loss; 
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew 
    To serve your turn long after they are gone,   
And so hold on when there is nothing in you 
    Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’ 

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,   
    Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch, 
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you, 
    If all men count with you, but none too much; 
If you can fill the unforgiving minute 
    With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,   
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,   
    And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!

Sorry I've not been blogging. Have a little inspiration to tide you over till I can find the time to catch you up

Tuesday, 12 May 2015

maybe it wasen't always like that

so , yesterday. i was sitting there in the courtyard of my top London theological collage drinking my Starbucks and talking through the list of questions my friends and i had been given to go through for the session (our tutor  had let us take class outside because we where in discussion groups and the weather was nice) 

when it hit me . 

when did i become that person that people look at and get jealous of what looks like there perfect little life.

it was brief , but i saw the look i got given by one of the people passing by me on the street

i know the look because i used to give enough of them myself. the "ugg i wish i was that lucky" look and the they dont know how good they have it" look

it made me wonder just how many people i gave that look to in the past had , just like me . clawed my way to where they are. 

maybe it wasn't always like that for them , i don't know their story

i always imaged the people i saw with life's i envied as these spoiled self entitled brats that wouldn't know hardship if it came up and hit them round the face. and for some reason i never once imaged them appreciating what they had 

i just want to say. to the lady that looked like she wished she had it easier when she saw me.

i promise hasn't always been this easy
i promise i don't take it for granted , not for a single second 

you made me realize i am now on the other side of that spectrum and its the most surreal experience ever 
i promise i will do everything i can to give back

and i hope you get to experience the same feeling i did yesterday one day 

lots of love 

Thursday, 30 April 2015

It's not going anywhere

Recently I've been feeling happy , like resdiculosly happy with the way things are going for me 


It's all going so well !! And I don't say this to brag or to boast. I hope you guys are feeling the same and I'm sorry if for whatever reason your not 

But the rbest a on I bring this up is because I have been kind of on edge waiting for it all to crash down around me. Like it's almost to good to be true.

But that's not the case. God dosent put these things into your life just so he can be spiteful and take them away. They are given to us so that we can enjoy them and ues them to his glory.

So , this past Sunday. I was at the youth service at my church and just felt this overwhelming feeling of fear of these things being taken away.

I got a good friend of mine to pray for me and I honestly feel so so much more secure.

So I guess what I'm trying to say to you guys is this . 

God has given you so many Awsome things . Ues them  and enjoy them


Thursday, 19 March 2015

How can you still belive in God after THAT

I got some bad news yesterday ..

A friend of mine passed away. You know the one from my last post.

And it HURTS to go through stuff like this .. It always will. That's no great shock to anyone

But one of my other friends looked at me when she realised that I was not only mourning the loss of a friend but Alls trying to get through the fact it's my other friend who sadly passed away last Aprils birthday and said

"How can you still belive in God after all that"

And I felt like I should expand on my awnser a bit and  have it as a blog post 

So , how on earth can I belive in God when all of this nasty stuff is going on around me 

Well there ex are two awnsers to that question.

The first is this. It's times like this when I have to belive in God and hold on to him the most because I promise you .. It's the only way I'm ever gonna get through it. 

Secondly. It's in the valleys of life that you learn the most about yourself and the true character of those around you. You realise just how strong you are and the meaning of the word resilience 

Although it may not seem like it , God knows what he's doing.

This post is for Amber. Who was quite possibly this blogs biggest fan and told me so on a regular basis. 

And for Katie who I miss more and more every day 

Sunday, 15 March 2015

When havering turners syndrome becomes very "real"

Hi guys ! 

So if you have been reading for a while you will know that I have a condition called turned syndrome.

Normally it's not somthing I even think about in my day to day life besides having to take my medication.

However recently it has been hammered home to me just how much of a big deal it can be

I've seen so many scary health complications in the other girls with turners that I tallk to that I'm forced to deal with the fact I do actuly have a health condition that can manifest in some pretty nasty ways.

I guess it's just like I said a while back

Even superman has cryptonite

I made this post as a bit of a reminder to myself and to all other girls with ts out there

Get checked , make sure your on the right meds. You deserve to live as long and as healthy a life as you Possible can.

Lots of love