Friday, 29 August 2014

somewhere between a complete mess and complete healing

as it stands today i am three months shy of having been a christian for five years ..

that's just crazy to me.

maby i will talk about this more on the date and have a celebration post on here but the fact that this time five years ago i had stepped into a church once and i only just made it made it through the service without walking out or screaming that it was all so ridiculous astounds me and i will always be grateful for that 

but i still have a long way to go .. don't we all

i still find myself on this learning curve where i have to figure out what god wants for my life.

as you know i have a huge heart for orphans. all orphans but specifically those in UK and eastern Europe 

and irs not hard to see why its orphans gods broken my heart for .. ive been there i know what its like to wonder if anyone even gives a dam 

but after all of the truly awesome god was doing with me at momentum and ss this year ive been thinking

do i even know enough to help these kids 

God and i have been working on this and as usual hes been showing me why im not the one in the driving seat anymore 

i realized noone living is fully who god wants them to be because we are human

and its myy  job to stand there somewhere between a complete mess and complete healing and bridge that gap the best i can

lots of love

Thursday, 28 August 2014

happy and home (an overview of the craziest summer yet)

so guys. i know i have been a horrible blogger recently and haven't been posting , i am sorry. i am going to make it up to you with a super long post now so here you go.

guess who damaged the ligaments in her foot just before going to Canada... this chick. so here is a picture of my and Laura amusing our self whilst 2.5 hours into waiting in a&e 

its almost fully back to normal now thankfully but i was on crutches for some of my holiday

anyway that didn't stop me having a good time and here are some shots from the 3 weeks i spent on the other side of the Atlantic

a quick hop back over the Atlantic and (i kid you not , jet lag be damned) less than 24 hours after leaving Calgary i was in somerset. slight difference in the climate i have to say  !

soul survivor b was such a chance to see the difference in my leadership a year of theological and youth ministry training had made.

honestly i love my job i couldent think of a job i could ever love more but this year has really been full of apathy. not towards my youth but towards ministry in general. like ide kind of become intrenched and unable to bring myself to move forward with anything

but if anything is ever going to give you motivation its seeing this lovely lot

and i think that was the biggest thing (other than sleep deprivation) i got from ssb2014

if i want to serve these guys and execute gods heart for them .. i actually have to get on and do something about it 

OK a couple of days to wash and repack all my stuff and we head back up to somerset for momentum.

this years theme for momentum was the empowered life which of course is just like God considering what ide derided needed to happen whilst i was at ssb..

Jesus was just moving and doing his thing the whole time. and as much as i am exhausted i am so glad that i got to be refreshed in a way no amount of sleep will.

here are some pictures



regular blogging will resume as of now, as always ,

lots of love

Tuesday, 19 August 2014

Sometimes you have got to stop talking

I resently have been working on spending some time listening to the Hoely spirit. It's not been easy as   I have said countless times on this blog I am an Extream extrovert which means forcing myself into prossesing internally has been difficult 

Until I realised that you don't have to prosses internally to have quite time , jernaling , blogging and reading the bible are some ways of doing this in an extrovert manner 

The thing it quite time with god isent a solo affaire you are in communication , your communicating with god .. Who is the best listener ever by the way

But he dose also want to talk to you and some times the only way to let that happen is to stop and listen 

Lots of love 

an extremely late guest post

so i have had this post ready to put up for a long time but as you will see in the next couple of posts i have been so busy i haven't had 5 seconds to breath and pt it up.

this is a post from a friend of mine that has turners syndrome i absolutely love this post so i am going to let it speak for itself 

Wednesday, 2 July 2014

Love , attraction and the friend zone

Love , it's a huge word. And will make everyone have different emotions ..

To me , love is a very multi faceted thing For instance .. I love chocolate , I love god , I love that dress your whereing , I love you.All things I've said in the past , all ues the word love , all have a compleatly different meaning 

So someone posed the question to me recently "dose true love exist" 

My awnser in a word was basicly YES but I want to elabaorate on that a little bit because there is so much I wanted to say and I just didn't feel like it would fit in a Facebook comment 

True love ?

Yes I believe true love . Call me nieave or say I wach far to many Disney movies and rom coms with happy endings If you like but here is the thing .. If you have ever had those butterflies in your smtomach every time his/her name is mentioned and spent the vast majority of your time apart from them either thinking about them or checking for a text every 10 seconds.  If you get tounge tied when your around them. Guess what , your experiencing love  , actual love and no one can tell you otherwise. Even if it dosent last forever, even if the inissal intensity evolves into a routean because you have been married for , like .. Forever . If you feel like you love someone do and that's true love it's rare but it dose exist 

Love at fist sight ?

Nope , I believe in attraction at first sight the whole spot a boy across a room and get knocked sideways by a serious case of the teenage style crush syndrome . But that's not love that's just pure chemistry ,  you may or may not spend 18 months compleatly infatuated with a guy without either of you being brave enough to acknowledge the fact people could cut the atmosphere with a is what happens once thouse people get to know each other 

The friend zone 

To all of my readers currently residing in the friend zone , I'm sorry guys , it's sucks . I know as I have been in the friend zone myself a fair few times and I can tell you this the only way out of the friend zone is an extreamly uncomfortable question  "do you like me as more than a friend" that question right there will get you out of the friend zone for better or Worce. If the Person you like has a response that is anything other than yes then dude you run for the hypothetical exit of the friend sine marked move the hell on because you deserve someone who resiprocates that affection 

As Someone much wiser than I once said .

Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinion's starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don't see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often it's not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it's always there – fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge – they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I've got a sneaky feeling you'll find that love actually is all around.

Hay , I love you guys 
C ya soon 

Ps . Yes I know this post is cringey as all heck ;)

Thursday, 26 June 2014

A year on ..

Hi guys , I haven't done a life update for you guys in a while so here goes 

I have 2 weeks left of my first year as a theology and youth ministry student and I have learned so much. Not just about god or youth ministry , but about myself 

1) I can do academics .. 

It's not easy and as you guys have seen there have been some bumps along the way. But I've survived. And for the most part , I'm keeping up with everyone. My scores have been on a steady improvement since September and I'm starting to feel comfortable writing degree level essays .. Dyslexia and turners syndrome be damned !  

2) I do not struggle socially half as much as I used to..

I used to think I would always be a bit of a social outcast ... Not true , the friends I have made since September have easily been the easiest friendships I have ever made. 

3)I'm learning just how much I don't know....

I thought I was fairly theologically sound before I started saint mellitus. By the middle of November I was realising if I wasn't leaving a lecture with more questions than awnsers I haven't understood it, theology is , at it's very core , a striving to understand more of gods heart and how he works .. So by it's very nature there are going to be very few if any strait forward awnsers ...and I think that's what I love most about it. You can't just say "o I know the awnser to that"

4) I have no right to limit myself .. Nor dose anyone else for that matter

If I hade a quid for every time I had hured "I'm not sure you can get a degree" from a so called professional I wouldn't need student finance that's for sure. But here's the thing at point I found myself buying it. How about no , you sit there , shut up and watch me get this essay. Because you mr doctor are forgetting a few very important things 

1)I serve a very mighty God 
2) he has called me to do this , and
3)that's selfsame God made me stubborn as all heck ! 

So here is to the next two years of my degree

C ya soon

Friday, 20 June 2014

a letter to a new born christian

so this blog post is going to be a little different. seeing as my post "a letter to my 13 year old self " went crazy. this is a letter to someone who is in there first day of being a christian

hi !

so , you just became a christian , awesome ! welcome to the family. now when i became a christian i did not have a clue what that meant with regards to what my life was going to look like from that point on. don't get me wrong i had such amazing support but there are a few things that i know almost 5 years down the line that i wish i had been told in advance. so i am writing this blog post with the hope that i will give you a few pointers.

1, not everyone is going to get it when you "come out" as christian 

there will be some amazing responses to your news. a few members of the church i go to even cried when i told them because they had been praying so hard for me. but there will be a few people outside the church that will simply think your clinically insane, how you react to that will most probably be your first ever ministry opportunity as a christian , kid. you got this. love them anyway.

2, the hardships in your life will not necessarily vanish 

please , please , please don't buy into the lie that so many new Christians do , that as soon as you get up from praying your salvation prayer your going to live in a magical land of puppy-dogs and rainbows .. trust me , you wont. the world will seam different. some things will just change instantly but more often than not you will have to work through your past hurts and struggles with god , its an ongoing process. and even the most longstanding Christians are still growing  

3, there will be days where you doubt

this is something i think all Christians go through. even the ones that have had huge miraculous healing and salvation have days where they wonder whether they just made the whole thing up. my advice for those days is this.... these are the days when your faith means the most to god. where you bless the heart of god just by carrying on.secondly, find someone you trust , and get them to pray for you , be honest. it will help.(side note this is part of your youth pastor / vickers job if they are not willing to help you .. tell them to read there bible / job description again)    

4, God wont say yes all the time. 

that dose not mean he has up and gone it just means that he happens to know what you need , what you want and the difference between those two things. trust me when i say this , he knows what he is doing and its way more spectacular than you can ever comprehend. as you grow as a christian you will start to notice how subtle god can be at times. you often wont notice where gods hand is in a situation until after the event.

5,you have a new family 

this is one thing new Christians tend to forget. the. dysfunctional bunch of rag tag people sitting in your church learning about god just like you are ... are now your family, even the old lady on the second pew from the left that scares you a little bit. like all good family , you wont always agree , you wont always want to hare what they have to say. but they will be on this journey with you.

good luck !

love , your new sister in Christ